Not that I want to bitch or anything...

Not one to bitch, but here I go anyway.... sometimes life really sucks, but measured against what? Happiness? Someone's pain? Some stranger's sorrow? I'm not sure what the measure, but I'd give sucks a seven on my life scale....

Why hang on to sucks when you know it will be better in two short weeks? I just accepted a fantastic job in cool restaurant working with a cool chef that wants me to become a part of his core team. I will get to use my passion, tastes, and ideas about food in making up the menu as it grows. I will get to try new things, and put some kick ass in my skill set.... but between now and then, life really does suck. How many times can I use suck in this post before it becomes redundant. That is for the reader to decide.

Ain't enough pieces of paper with dead guys on it to pay the rent, and pay my friend back until my last contract that has anything to do with construction is finished, and I keep getting stalled by the clients, and the contractors.... Who knew it would take three weeks to get a bathroom drywalled..... won't finish the job for another eight days and that sucks. I want to be more positive, but this cash flow situation sucks,,,,, just like it sucks for a huge amount of people living in bush junior's Amerika....

30,000 layoffs at GM, and I read where some other huge corporation plans to layoff some 70,000. Who are these people going to work for? Like there are 100,00 new jobs waiting for them. I'm lucky to have found this one, but I worked on getting the right job. I've been waiting for this position since last December. Well, not waiting, because I was actively seekind a job in my industry. The right job didn't come along until now, which does not suck. But, it's been a hard year, and that sucks... I probably made $8,000 since 05 started.. Could you live on that?

Ok, so I think I said sucks enough... but it does suck when the current administration has no clue as to how to revive this economy. Sure, the rick get richer, but the poor are gaining in number. Wonder how many really poor people there will need to be in this country before we rise up like the French peasants and take to the streets in earnest to make siginficant changes in the way this country works.

No more bombs, no more wars, no more propping up puppet governments, and no more inflated to overstuffed government contracts. Anyone remember the scandal of the $5,000+ toilet seats the Air Force bought?

I'm hoping that 2006 is the year that doesn't suck. I'm hoping by the end of it I am firmly on my way to realizing my ultimate dream of having that b&b on the coast of someplace with that little 8 table bistro right below it..... teach young queers how to cook, give them a place to stay, and let them have time to learn what their own dreams are. Bunk house in the back with free rent and food....Besides, I want to be the old fart on the porch who barks orders with some tenderness...

So, the suck count stands at: 14... a even number....anyone know what 14 is in numerology?

Apologizing for the current administration...

So, the world wide web has me connected to women in countries besides the bad ol' USA.... I find my self apologizing for the follies of the bush administration on nearly a daily basis... and I'm tired of if..... I'm tired of trying to explain why baby bush is trying to turn back the clock to a time when people like me had to hide every part of who we really are as not to get the shit beat out of us, or worse..... to a time when abortions were back alley procedures, to a time when gay rights was a dream instead of a work in progress.

Why, when they invoke the name of their god do so many people listen? Why, when they invoke the cause of national security, do so many people listen? Why, when they talk about war, do so many people listen? Why, when they say it's for the good of the nation, do so many people listen?

I'm not sure how to stop the tide. Since this is not a democracy, but a representative republic, those of us on the fringe have no representation. It's easy to make us the current target on the mark of the beast list that some fool in Washington is getting paid too much money to compile. Yes, I said the mark of the beast.... for those that don't know..... the 666 mark of the devil that all these right-wing fundamentalists talk about so much.... They are the beasts, they just won't cop to it.

It's hard to live in a country where I have no access to medical care, even though Uncle Sam promised to take care of me for life if I joined up... and I did.... seven years of service in that man's Army..... can't even get taken care of... cuts, cuts, and more cuts..... but they build more bombs, and start new wars..... and yes, I feel cheated.... and disgusted.

It's hard to live in a country that believes in freedom of expression, as long as that expression has doesn't rock the current tide..... So, as long as you express their way no worries... but this government is targeting any expression that falls outside it's tide. They are shutting down websites and closing off any expression they feel is detrimental to their cause....

Keep voting the same way folks, and we'll see a fascist state... and we'll see more and more people being locked up for expressing themselves in a way deemed inappropriate... and we'll all be saying love honor and obey..... (at least if you are female).

Step up my friends... "tell them we are mad as hell and we won't take it anymore." (from the 70s film Network).

Spiral Heart

So, the max stops in Portland have art and this is something I saw the other day when I took the time to look down..... I think it will be my next tattoo. 

Building in Blue

for the artsy out there... this is what you can do with freeware..... just click the little shutter.... 

horror-scope.....

Call me New Age if you like, but every morning I get my horror-scope delivered to my inbox....sometimes I think it's right on, sometimes it is definitely not for me.... like today... cuz here's what it says... and then I'll explain...

With all those good feelings circulating around you, might it not be time to spend a day or two with your sweetheart?
You certainly won't get any argument out of them. They miss you!

Unfortunately there is no sweetheart... not since my girly and I split up months and months ago. I'm starting to miss touch, and passion.. Why is it that as creatures we need it? Why can't self love be enough? What, in our constitution, makes us develop desires for another?

I do pretty good on my own..... don't mind at all being single.... don't mind at all not being in any traditional relationship..... don't mind spending time with just me, I am good company. But the touch thing is something I don't want to live without right now... Can't seem to manifest that connection in my own back yard, just in places that are too far away. There is a hunger in me that had been sleeping for years... now it is awake and it is very demanding becuase of three women I would like to know in a carnal way... like a vampire that has not fed in centuries.... I want to taste and touch and be connected to another being that I find intelligent, attractive, and witty. I'm not lonely, or feeling alone... not feeling like I will die if it doesn't happen.... just feeling like it would be nice to ride that wave with someone who has the same dark tastes as mine.... someone who can carry on a conversation on a lot of subjects.... one can only count on sex for a moment... you have to be able to talk them too...

If you know a intelligent woman who has very dark desires send her my, won't you?

Just Another One of Me being Me....

Can you tell it's cold in Portland.... I hate the cold, but here I sit for another winter.... anyone want to invite me to someplace warm? 

Me!!!!

So, there is this cool place here called The Rebuilding Center.... like a giant treasure chest of things that go into building houses.... all of it donated and then re sold. Cool as hell and one of my favorite haunts... was there the other day waiting for someone and decided to put my puny little digital camera to work.... 

More Art and More ME!

 

Just a silly little manipulation

of an out of focus picture of black center daisies... I've not posted art lately. Thought it was time... 

Why Does Poison.....

sometimes look so beautiful?
But it's still something
that can
kill you.... 

Reaching the end of the rope...

When I decided to live the revolution, not just talk about it, I knew my decision might have strange consequences.... I don't play by the rules this nearly fascist government puts on the books.... I live on the edge... but right now the edge is too close and the rope that holds me is getting a bit frayed at the end.... Just like my nerves and emotions.... It's hard to live out here without a bank account, proper documentation or some fancy job with all the right benefits....

When I made the decision to seperate myself from the powers that be I wondered how long I could last. That was 1990. It's not been an easy road, but I've managed to stay one step ahead, until now..... For the first time I'm wondering if I can keep it up..... living the revolution is hard... No credit cards, no valid legal documentation, except my birth certificate and an old passport.... I want people to pay me for my work in cash.... I want them to trust, but trust is hard in a world where everything seems all screwed up. I want to give the money I would never give the government to causes I believe in, or even the people on the street. I'm poor, but at least I know that I am not feeding the war mongering, business loving, people hating regime of George Bush!!! What happened to the dogma of the hippie generation? Oh, yes, they all bought SUVs and houses in the suburbs.... and left their high values and new morals at the curb with the trash....

I'll keep trying to live my own revolution..... And keep trying to do the right thing, and not the easy thing..... even when it feels like it's just too damn hard!