moving into winter

I always get a bit of the darks this time of year. It is cold, wet, and grey in Portland. The sun won't shine much for several months. I find it hard to be in this place. I love the sun. But, my life, for now, is here. 

Life, they say, is what you make it and right now I am having a hard time deciding what mine should look like. This winter is for soul searching, trying new things, and growing into my crone self. I am not sure I am ready to be a middle-aged woman. In my head I am still 30 something. My body says different. Menopausal hot flashes, arthritis in my hip, and an even slower metabolism force me to accept. The grey hair that I pay too much money to cover tells another part of the story. Wrinkles, skin with less oil to keep it soft and supple and hands that show my maturity are hard to accept. But, I try. I use good lotion, drink more water, and take supplements to help with all the things that plague me these days. 

Like Dorothy always said, getting old isn't for sissies. I am not yet old, but no longer young. I am in that middle space where nothing feels really familiar. In this body, I am living. In this body I am trying to do all the things I should to make me feel better. Now, if I could just make myself go to the gym!